Just Pay Us

Dear Awesome Health Patient:

Please find enclosed your statement for your recent visit. In an effort to increase and speed up your payment (and make the payment process simple, convenient, and secure for you), you now have the ability to pay your bill on your mobile device.

Unfortunately, we have not yet gotten to the point where we can make your bill understandable.

You accessed something somewhere in our system six weeks ago. We won't tell you where or who saw you and we certainly won't tell you how we decided to charge you what we did. After all, we are an outsourced billing and collection agency charging you and everyone else more for non-added-value service and are located 1,600 miles from where you had care. We also wrote off a bunch of stuff because of a stupid insurance reimbursement policy, but you won't understand that. Just trust us and pay it, fool.

We hope you find this service as valuable as we do since we appreciate your choosing Awesome Health for your Sick Care needs.

Please let us know if the billing address or mobile information has changed since we'll need it when it comes time to turn you over to our collection agency (who will be able to track you on your phone anyway).